so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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