addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
And then he peed in my hair
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