That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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