oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
