This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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