I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
