So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
