Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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