i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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