who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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