well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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