I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
