well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
