he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
