do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
