And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
