note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
