Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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