First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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