oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
