guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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