he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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