Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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