a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
