the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
