OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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