He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
