Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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