I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
