how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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