Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
