Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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