At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
