the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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