Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
