Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
