listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
