we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Randomize
