Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
