whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
