I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
