Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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