how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
