Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
