you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
