I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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