So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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