We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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