his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
