Define "chronic" masturbator.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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